Predictabley Unpredictable
by 4-is-lovely
Summary: A simple oneshot based upon the obsurd idea that Jack Sparrow is predictable, as argued by Elizabeth Swann. Slight JE...Feedback always welcome...


Well! Here I am again with a new fic for you. Again Sparrabeth. You no like, then I guess you no read. Savvy? Awesome. Though its pretty uneventful. I have an idea for a sequel to this that would be more fluff-filled if you were unsatisfied with it, so feel free to tell me if you want me to write the sequel. Slight spoilers, nothing too drastic though.

So this is a little ficlet that emerged in my brain as I was drinkin grape juice out of a water bottle and pretending to be drunk off my ass, whilst talking to a certain non-existent-except-for-in-my-mind captain. Interesting enough I know. Its really better if you don't ask, I do things like that a lot. Heehee! But hey! Its my way of letting the creativity flow! (PS I explain my antics better on my profile, so if you're really looking for an explanation…..)

Okay SO! Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own…things would've gone down a lot differently I'll tell you that much. Muwhahahahaha.

Summary: Elizabeth gets drunk. Jack is amused and his usual "predictable" self, AND! They share their thoughts on the actually meaning of "predictability".

Rating: T (for reference of alcohol)

FEEDBACK WELCOMED WITH SLIPPERS AND A PIPE!

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Elizabeth walked along the deck of the Black Pearl. Well….stumbled would be the better term. Yes, she was drunk. As much as she hated admitting that she'd let herself be drooped to such a level, she had.

It started with Pintel going on one of his "macho" streaks, where he challenged everyone in the Mess Cabin to a drinking game. And at this point in time, Elizabeth just happened to be in the Mess Cabin. Needless to say, she was shanghaied into participating in such a low and foul event.

She'd managed to keep herself out of the rounds until the near end. She had gone up against Pintel, who was already a half-second away from unconsciousness when it was her turn, and beat him with no trouble at all.

Next she'd gone against Marty, the little person. His small stature did not do him justice, because she soon found out that he could certainly hold his fair share of liquor. In the end though, his size did betray him, and he too, passed out in a drunken haze.

The last man she went up against was none other than Mr. Gibbs. She almost bowed out then and there to save herself at least a little bit of dignity, rather than going up against an already rum-soaked man.

Being that Gibbs was, in fact, the first mate of the Black Pearl, he had the privilege to make his way down to the rum cellar whenever he please. Unlike the rest of the crew who had to wait until sun-down before the doors were also open to them.

Now while Elizabeth was almost completely certain that Jack could pass for what she liked to refer to as "Legally Insane", he was also a good captain. And even though she did owe him respect for letting her aboard whilst her husband was out ferrying souls, she didn't let that cloud her true vision of him.

He really _was _a good man.

He had his way of doing things on the ship that the crew may not have respected right away, but eventually realized it was for their own good. Like the rum lockdown. When the crew was on the bridge between mutiny and depression, he'd calmly explained to them that he didn't want them "breaking his ship" and that he could do far worse things to them than take away their precious rum until nightfall, should said event ever come about happening.

All in all, it was for the greater good of the crew. It was caring. A "good man" trait. One of the many she'd detected now that'd she'd spent far more time with and around him. She'd never say it to his face, but really, she thought he was a genius. The way he did things, and said things. They were truly that of a pirate, but there was something more. The way he'd make rescues on the off chance the crew would get captured, or the ways of freeing himself!

Even when Elizabeth wasn't "drunk off her ass" as she was now, she still thought that these ways of doing things were strangely artistic. Everything really was almost choreographed down to an art…a science even.

Well anyway, she had, in the end, gone up against Gibbs. She figured this way she could make reasonable comebacks to anything the crew had to say, rather than dealing with the "Scared little girl" comments that have and would've again come about the next day.

And yes, she_ did_ lose, if you were wondering. She actually did end up forfeiting just because she didn't entirely trust the crew to take care of her unconscious body. Even with Jack around. She politely and with pride said that both herself and Mr. Gibbs already knew who was going to walk out of this still conscious and she bade him her drunken congratulations. He'd simply nodded with a hazy understanding and everyone went about doing their business once again. …Well the ones who could still see straight that is…

As she tried (and failed miserably) to make her way as gracefully toward her cabin as she could, she stumbled right into the arms of her little genius. He held her up by the arms and looked down at her with an amused grin on his face.

"Why Ms. Swann, if you wanted my attention this badly you could have just come out and said it love, rather than getting yourself drunk in your own depression. You know its always a pleasure for me t-"Her hand covered his mouth.

"Jack, feel fortunate that I don't fully understand your way of tryin to, Once again! Embarrass me…..and it's Mrs. Turner!" She said as she looked at him with and angry, hazy expression. Jack had to try his hardest not to laugh at her. He only seen her drunk a handful of times, all of them just as amusing to him as the next.

He quickly replaced the hoots of laughter that were bubbling inside him with a look of mock hurt. "Elizabeth it cuts me to the bone that you think I'm always trying to _embarrass_ you!" he pouted like a child.

Now under normal circumstances she would punch him in the shoulder for trying to make her feel sorry for him. …But since she was drunk and all….

Laughs erupted from her throat in its place. "Jack," she exclaimed. "You're antics never fail to amuse me!" she continued her drunken laughter as he led her to the stairs that led up to the helm of the Black Pearl. The same stairs he's mocked her desire to be married.

First he sat her down, and she lost her balance and fell back slightly due to the presence of said stairs behind her, and he then sat himself down next to her. This was when she noticed that he'd been carrying a bottle of rum. This didn't surprise her really, honestly; when he DIDN'T have a bottle in his hands THAT'S when she needed to be worried.

"So tell me Lizzie. How _did _you manage to get yourself drunk this time?" Jack asked her.

She pointed her nose in the air and closed her eyes as she responded "A little-too-long trip to the dining cabin." Jack snorted with laughter. She laughed with him.

"So my ever predictable crew managed to get you to join in on the consecutive drinking game that happens every week or so, did they?" He beamed with pride. Elizabeth snorted in a very drunk and unlady-like way that made Jack's head turn in slight surprise.

"Well that's a horribly condescending statement, Mr. Sparrow." She managed to form the words in her mouth, and was fully aware that she'd said mister instead of captain. She did it when she wanted to piss him off.

He seemed temporarily unfazed by it though, as he took a swig of his rum, and responded "How so dearie?"

"You're predictable too." She said bluntly taking the bottle out of his hands and taking a swig.

She laughed as a look of utter shock crossed upon his face.

"I most certainly am not." He said, clearly distressed.

"Yes, you most certainly are." She retorted taking another swig from the bottle.

He was positively red in the face now.

Elizabeth knew that Jack simply thrived on the thought of himself being unpredictable, and that it wouldn't completely ruin his reputation if he were considered anything else. But being around him so much she now felt she knew what his so called "unpredictable actions" were really aimed at. She knew his every move.

She sighed when she saw the look of her companions face glued in a horribly depressed slump.

"Jack. When I say that, of course I am saying that _I _think that you're predictable. Because I've been around you for so long, and such. The way you're always acting so unpredictable has grown predictable to me in the sense that I can always trust you to be unpredictable…predictably. So really it's you're unpredictability that makes you so predictable." She explained.

Jack looked at her with a look crossed between confusion and amazement. And then turned to her with a smile.

"But certainly my unpredictability cant always be as predictable as you claim. For I can always muster to act unpredictable, even when people should know that its predictable for me to act in such unpredictable ways." He retorted.

"True." She said. "But as you may or may not have realized, people can always predict you to do something unpredictable in a predictable manner. So therefore, you're leverage of unpredictability is at a danger, where as people can always trust you to be unpredictable, putting you in a predictably bad situation, because they were able to predict it."

"But if its predicted of me, why do they do nothing to thwart my predictably unpredictable ways, to which they have already predicted?"

"Because they don't predict that your inconspicuously attempting an unpredicted feet. The only unpredictable thing that manages to keep them thwarted is the unpredictable time at which you commence said unpredictable scheme. So really that's the only thing that keeps you unpredictable." She explained as if it were the most obvious thing it the world as she took yet another swig from the bottle of rum she held.

"Lizzie, I do believe ye discovered me most well kept secret to being a good pirate." He said with a guinly proud smile he cast in her direction. She smile back at him.

"But," he interjected. "Clearly since my unpredictability is the source of how I manage to maintain my predictable name for being unpredictable. How in fact can people know that I wont simply pull something that to any normal person should be predictable, but since I'm always so unpredictable, that it too is unpredictable, even though they should've been able to predict it. So that would too fall under the position of being unpredictable, even though it was easy to predict. Because _I_ did it, it was amazingly unpredictable. Therefore I will always be able to maintain that I'm unpredictable just by the way I always commence the unpredictably predictable moves that should have been easy to predict." He smirked. "They never know what hit them."

She looked at him.

"I suppose you're right." She said as she slowed down his words to make sense out of them.

He smiled at her. "But I shouldn't be confusing your drunken mind with such talk, TIME FOR ANOTHER DRINK!" he exclaimed as he took a gulp from the bottle she still held. She heard the condesending tone of his voice however.

She laughed with him as she took back the bottle closer to herself.

"I still don't understand how they managed to get you to even start drinking." He pondered out loud as he watched her.

"Ah well, unlike a certain lot of rum-soaked pirates, Mr. Sparrow, I know when to say no." She said not-so-firmly as she took a bigger swig from the bottle and swallowed gamely.

Jack just chuckled. "Of course you do love, of course you do."

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Fin!

Hahahahahahaha!

So yeah there you go, I hope you all enjoyed it! Again feeback welcomed with slippers and a pipe…so…yeah….

/randomly disappears/


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